The problem of emotional dependence


    One of the biggest life problems of many people is their dependence on other people. The most often it deals with emotional dependence, often also with financial dependence.
    As a little foreword to this subject, I would like to say that excessive dependence on other people mostly uses to be harmful, though it can sometimes be beneficial too. However, what I want to deal with here is the emotional dependence that causes harm to people; to stress it's cause and give some help on how to get rid of this dependence.
    If a man is emotionally or financially dependent on incompatible people, the best what he can do is to move to other please and cease to meet the people who harm him. But if the man in question is so poor that he cannot run away from the place bad for him and must always stay in energetically incompatible circumstances, he is doomed to life-long suffering in advance. Some people are even so exhausted by incompatible surrounding, which they are consistently living in, that they have no power to change their situation neither in the case that they have enough money for it. It is necessary for these people to attempt about the change of their life even if it was very difficult. For it has no price to always be at incompatible place and inactively look to own destruction.
    On the other hand, other people, for a change living in positive energetic surroundings and enjoying good state of health, moreover secured financially and having no lack, sometimes even a surplus of energy, they may rob themselves of their happiness if their “good livelihood begins to incense”. From this reason they move to more negative surrounding and cause problems to themselves through this (they experience a desire to change something even if this change will take them to worse place from the good one). These cases are however less frequent.
    Emotional dependence on other people is maybe even worser than the financial one, when some people must always stay in the nearness of those who are damaging them energetically and have to search their company all the time against their will. One of the main manifestations is dependence on incompatible beloved partner, who is taking off the energy of him who loves him.
    To could find himself, more exactly said to live as he wants, man must firstly made it clear for himself what he really wants. But to reach that, firstly he must be given a chance. It means to experience situation when he has so to speak free hands. He must tear himself out of the surrounding that bothers him and to go there where are no people he would be dependent on. Then he will get to know himself better and he will recognize his capability and what he really wants. Then he will perhaps realize how much some people were restricting him that he was dependent on (even if they had good plans about him from their point of view but they thought incompatibly – wrongly).
    First of first, it is necessary to become adult in a deeper sense of the word. To stand on one's own feet and to live without direct influence of incompatible people because life in their closeness and under their influence is so unfruitful and destroying, that better is to do not live such a life at all.
    But there are people who cannot release from the “strait-jacket” of to-them harmful surrounding even if they wanted the most; above all, sick, old or too poor people. Some of them cannot be helped in any other way than by euthanasia.
    Who has at least some money and finds himself in a to-him harmful surrounding, let him not hesitate and move away. Let him buy a house or a small hut to find a lost piece there and do something good for his state of health. As Vaclav Hynek said it: „Money exists to buy for it what is much more valuable than the money itself.“ Sad to say, who does not have enough money in our times, he cannot change his deal. Therefore I say: „Money is the half of health.“
    As far as dependence on beloved person is concerned, there is one good advice by Professor Velenovsky for those whose love is not reciprocated: „Not reciprocated love is the proof that between the two there is no psychic affinity and therefore in such a case it is better to separate than an unlucky marriage.“ Of course, its not that simple and from some reasons, now and then we can meet unreciprocated love even in souls with high(est) affinity. But let us do not pay attention to the spiritual reasons for this fact.
    Taken humanly: There is many terribly beautiful people in the world and it is suitable not to fix fully on one of them only, moreover if he or she does not reciprocate your love. Do not keep away from people as such and if one of them disappointed you, let you get acquainted with another one - with a lot of new people. You will soon discover their beauty that will have something what missed the beauty of whom you loved most and who gave you – through your dependence on him - bigger sorrow than pleasure.
    A summary of what was written above is that that we meet the biggest emotional dependence in the people who were forced to it by the unfavor of their Destiny and who have got no real chance to get rid of it. Let us take a look at three examples of life circumstances that force a man to be dependent on somebody else whether emotionally or financially:

·   Some beggar has only one man who will serve him food every day and so he has to go to the place of that man every day for the food. So he has to think about the man every day and also on the way to him that he has to perform – for example to pass through a street in a poor clothes and expose himself to laughing and contempt (even if they looked upon him with bad eyes only). So the beggar has to think on that man and on the way to him almost all the time. Of course, if he had money and would be allowed to buy a good clothes and food whenever, then he could stop thinking about the man who uses to give him food every day and about the way to him. He would surely cease to be dependent on him in the extent that he used to when he was poor. With such a dependence it is similarly like with a pain. About small pain you think only sometimes but when any really big one, you have to think on it all the time.

·   Somebody is mutilated and knows that he will get no valuable partner in his life any more. The more he has to think about the partner he was robbed of by his bad state of health. Even worse it is if the cause of the bad condition was a car accident that happened because he did not pay attention to the driving of the car because he was out of order due to argument with his partner or he performed the way by the car because of him. This fact will cause him to think about his partner all day and night long and he in fact has to hate and curse him or her.

·   Some man is unpretty, despite that he managed to gain an attractive partner. Some time later, the partner will forsake him, on the one hand because he or she did not like his unpretty appearance and on the other hand he or she maybe had a lower pleasure from sexual intercourse with him; apart from it, he began to feel ashamed for his unpretty partner and perhaps other people told him or her: „Whom you are going out with, you can have a better one!“ Other thing is that the pretty partner is ''hunted'' by other prettier people concerned about him or her. And so he stops going out with the unpretty man. And he never again manages to gain so much beautiful partner. So he always remembers and dreams about him or her and cannot get rid of his emotional dependence.

    On the other hand, if a man who is in such a position that he is healthy and not poor, but also disappointed by his present partner, then he can find a new partner almost anytime and therefore he is less dependent on the partner that he has. And when the partner leaves him, a new relationship will soon chase away pain and the new love will make a new pleasure in life.

    Closing lesson:

    People use to be forced to dependence on other people by unfavorable circumstances, most often by bad state of health, poverty and bad look. These unfavorable circumstances directly destine the man to excessive dependence on other people.

    If a man wants to avoid excessive emotional and financial dependence on somebody else, he must not be sick, badly looking or poor. Besides, from sickness and own ugliness arises also envy and overall more negative thinking. And the creator of the negative circumstances (humanly taken the most incompatible man who damaged the respective man most of all) is also the undirect creator of all the other what arose from the unfavorable circumstances.



          
     
  • Love and relationships

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